Thank you everyone for all your support!
I was so pumped to have my hands 'fixed'. I went to the hospital, got admitted, got a big horrible needle full of big horrible feeling stuff right into my hand. I kicked my husband in the back of the head with my knee when that was going on. (Sorry Michael!) My palm went numb and then they prepped/washed my arm... And that is when my positive outlook had a panic attack. I couldn't catch my breath to calm down. All my trust in just fell apart, and they refused to do the procedure without putting me to sleep first. That involves a separate appointment. I felt like a BIG LOSER. I cried and nearly passed out. I don't know where that came from. Once I was home, I was in such shock that I slept for two hours. All I got to show for it is a numb wrist, a squeaky clean hand, and a pen marking from the surgeon.
My dear friend Michelle F. is setting me up with some massage and energy work in the mean time, which I am really looking forward to.
One day at a time I guess.
I feel a little like a dork, and a lot of nothing at all. I'm taxed emotionally. While I was sleeping, the gallery phoned to let me know that another piece had sold. My little 5 yr old got a paper and wrote down the number for me with a yellow highlighter. ; ) She's awesome. Thanks darling! ; )
see you soon,
20 comments:
ohhhh no, Monika!! So sorry to hear that! Nice line drawn on your hand though:)
I so enjoy your blog and your thread drawings! I wish you peace and a speedy solution to your hand issues! - Carol
I had to look hard to even see the line on your palm. Looks like your body has coped really well and given a couple days I'm sure you will too. Some things just "happen" despite our best intentions.
Oh, Monika! What a day you had! Give yourself a break- It was very wise of you to go with your instincts. When the time is right- it will happen.
Now, go read a book, have a bath, sit with your kids and relax. You earned it!
Heather
I'm sorry that went so badly for you. Don't fret about it. It will all work out and you will get your hand fixed.
Oh I am sorry as well , too bad it didn't work out but I am a bit surprised they hadn't put you to sleep in the first place , things sure have changed . Don't stress too much it will be done eventually and all will be well.
Ahhh, I'm so sorry Monika. ((((HUGS))))
Stay inspired!
(((hugs))) FWIW, you're certainly not the first person to panic in a situation like that. I worked in a hospital for many years, and was constantly surprised at how different people handled many different situations. I've had many burly men faint on me, for instance. So common, nothing to feel like a dork about at all. It IS your hand, ya know... I've seen plenty, but if it were me, I'd totally want to be put asleep. I think you'll be glad you waited. Hope it's soon!
OMG - you were going to let them cut open your hand while you were awake! You are such a talented artist, no wonder you panicked. Not a loser at all, just someone who values her hands so much. Make another appointment, get the general and get it better, but you don't have to watch.
and I thought you had to get knocked out to begin with. ... sorry to hear that you had such a stressful day. You sure were brave to have tried to go with just he freezing. hope your other treatments help you to cope while you go on the wait list again.
Hugs
Annette
Aww...you poor girl! I'm not a huge fan of that sort of stuff either and doing it awake would involve more guts than I have. Sometimes our subconscious is smarter that we are, lol! Take care of yourself and when it's meant to be it will happen. Nothing to feel like a dork about!
Hugs, Monika.
Oh poor you Monika, I'm pretty sure I might have reacted like you. Any surgery is scary let alone being awake for it!
Put it behind you and get the general. Here is a hug for you.
Oh Monika--wishing you the best of luck and a very quick recovery. Hugs.
I've discovered sometimes the body reacts in ways we can't control. I've had it happen too. It's just I've had so many procedures, I can handle it now.
You'll be able to use your hand over Christmas a t least, hopefully.
Congratulations on making your sales.
Please don't beat yourself up. I completely understand. I was extremely light headed walking into the OR last Wednesday. Turning on my heel and making a run for it certainly occurred to me. If a phone call would help or you want my surgeons
name - just let me know.
oh dear. It is probably all that unknown stuff. You get to try again and you'll do better. Blessings to you, Monika.
Sorry about your experience. But kudos to you for finding the strength to share about it with your readers, and hopefully that will help you keep a positive outlook. When it's all over, you'll be able to look back and see it as a learning experience. Peace to you this Christmas.
Oh Monika,
Don't be hard on yourself; surgery is stressful and you are human! I hope you can get in again soon and have the whole thing over with.
Peace to you,
Nicki
I can sooo relate to that! When I was in my early twenties, I had minor surgery on my throat (a skin thing) and of course, they would not put me to sleep. I agreed - but asked for something to calm me down. And I got a wonderful pill ... I think it was Valium. I was very calm, very happy ... and otherwise, I don't know what would have happened. So, don't be mad at yourself - you can't do everything perfect, and if you can't be cool while something cuts you up and you have to see that, so what? Big big cyber hug from over the big pond,
Frauke
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